This was a great podcast. Cause that could take me months even years! Also I have no real human connections anymore so how am I supposed to make new ones with this last one haunting me?
Logan, thank you for reaching out. I wonder if you too could benefit from a more active, positive, strengths-based approach that teaches you skills and strategies that support your wellness instead of your continued disempowerment? Relationships are the path of growth — not the destination. Is it possible to have this kind of treatment while the person is in a new relationship, and doing this to be able to marry? A relationship serious enough to be heading towards marriage?
I say this because, first of all, your future husband deserves to be with someone who is crazy about him, and not secretly pining away for another guy. I mean, really. It would break your heart. Also, if your partner feels your ambivalence and trust me, he might not KNOW but he will still FEEL the truth it can lead to anxiety in the relationship that will wind up pushing you further away, over time.
Even though it feels impossible now there can come a time when your Ex is literally not even a though in your head.
Just not important. But getting there takes intentional, strategic work. Gotta do the work! Thank you so much for your podcast. It has really shed some light on how and why I feel like I do. My ex and I were together for 11 years in a relationship that was never great from the start mainly due to my jealousy.
I blame myself for the breakup because I was a very jealous, insecure and a paranoid partner. I would go as far as saying somewhat controlling, although I never intended to be or was aware of my behaviour being that way. We share two children and have to remain in contact for their benefit. This has caused me to just push her further away. We have recently spent time together with both of our children, it was really nice and just made me feel like we were a family again.
I think it just gave me hope that we could work things out, that there was still something there between us. I guess I am still hoping she will change her mind and her and my children will come back to me so we can be a family again and do all the things we talked about doing as a family.
The pain is so bad. I am glad to know that the podcast has helped you get perspective and compassion for yourself. I do hope that you continue to engage in the type of growth and healing work that will help you get closure, release the attachment, and move on emotionally.
Sounds like you have a couple of kiddos there depending on you. This podcast was wonderful and hopeful. My challenge has been in social media checking of an ex who ghosted me a couple years ago.
I completely agree. This pattern is not something that is going to be resolved by me dropping one miraculous nugget of advice, however there is something that can help. Then, when you get really good at that part, in time, your new cognitive skills will make it so that this person is just no longer a thought in your head. Wishing you all the best, Dr. Thank you so much Dr. You really know your stuff. I listened to your podcast before falling asleep and I woke up the next morning feeling great.
The triggers were less intense. I believe I am at the longing, guilt and jealousy phase. I have been very confused by my ex coming into my life to tell me she was in a relationship with this guy that we both worked with. We broke up last year in may but finally separated in September. She called me in December because her mother died and I helped her though it. I would stay on the phone with her until she feel asleep.
Before helping her I did ask her was she talking to the guy and she said no. I did not respond until after July 9th. She told me she did have a relationship with the guy but he blocked her. She subconsciously took advantage of me and I allowed it. You helped me realized my anger was with myself and I had jealousy for that relationship because she stopped having sex with me a long time ago. And she brought him in before we finally separated but had the nerve to call.
Your pod cast really help. Hi Liam! This is fantastic. I listened to this podcast and really wished that it helped me somehow. I always saw positive in negative, and never dwelled on negative too much.
I have had really hard past three years, everything kind of started spiraling down since when my ex started treating me more aggressively mentally and on that time I did not see, that he was being like this only because his own problems and issues which he did not want to confront. So I had told him in our fights, crying, that he is really ripping my heart apart of how he is being — and he just had this satisfactory smile at him at that time. He never believed my tears, as I have my own issues of taking everything very personally and getting hurt quite easily because of my past.
So on my birthday in May, I told him in the morning before work he was unemployed all years that maybe he could think of some place where we could go for a picnic because it was a sunny and nice day for a long time and go and get Falafel with us and come pick me up at work. So he did come, he also brought flowers then I think it was second time in all relationship when he brought me flowers — and we were together then for 7 years and we drove to very nice place at the beach.
I really felt peace and calmness and nice inside to be with my partner, having this kind of bday and not party. And I enjoyed kind of silence as well, since at that time, I kind of was already getting more sad about life, but not much. I was so confused and hurt and no words came out of me, so we just went home, as I always was a people pleaser I know now what to work on.
He never did apologize for this. In the same year summer time we were in Sardignia, Italy — and we enjoyed there time with other pair — our friends. At one point I got message on my phone from my gamer friend because I did play PC games as well and because we got along good he is from another part of the world he had sent me his progress of him doing sports — so he sent me picture of his naked upper body and my bf then saw that and asked why does he send me these kind of pictures?
He got really angry very fast. So he got so mad that in when it was night, he kicked me out of the bedroom, told me to sleep on sofa and also threw me with my heavy handbag which was in that room. I got so hurt and cried because I was thinking in the time — I did not do anything wrong..
Of course now I understand that he had his own issues and a low self-esteem but I NEVER gave him any doubt of him having the low self-esteem. I guess it got stuck with him since his ex, before me, cheated on him….
Then few months later on same year, I had booked a trip for us together to neighboring country — our home country. I had free weekend and really wanted to enjoy spending time with him. We went by ship. I was busy of cleaning the apartment before leaving. So I did not do anything on that day after to him.. How come someone does not see or believe that other person loves him when she is next to him and doing everything and loving him for who he is?!
You love the way he made you feel. You liked being in love. That time in your life was happy. When you think back on that time in your life, you smile. Maybe your family was around a lot, the music was better, you hung out with friends more often… you get the picture. Youw immediately connect with an awesome coach via text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here …. You immediately connect with an awesome coach via text or over the phone in minutes.
She is an aspiring novelist with a BA in English, has completed 2 novels, writes for multiple non-profit organizations and gets her blog, FairlyChic.
Sometimes the only way to let go is to love someone enough to want the best for him or her even if that means not being together. In other words, perhaps once you stop beating yourself up over caring about them still, you may stop thinking about them entirely.
This should help to "clear out all the unwanted thoughts, feelings, and energies that you are not letting go of.
You can also try all the other fun self-care things like a massage, new skin care routine, or bubble bath. I can assure you, Most of the time, nothing your ex will say is going to make you feel better.
If anything, it will delay your healing process even further. But, that said, "sometimes we can't stop thinking about someone because there are unresolved issues and things we need to say to them," says Acamea Deadwiler , author of Single That: Dispelling the Top 10 Myths of the Single Woman. Write a long letter to your ex about how you feel, why you're hurt, what you wanted from them, etc.
Sometimes just getting it all out on paper as if you're actually talking to this person will be what you need. It may also be helpful to talk to a counselor or therapist to help breakdown the problems with a licensed professional instead of your ex. But if you really, really need to talk to your ex again and unravel the breakup a bit more again, tread carefully , Deadwiler says it may be helpful to talk with them.
And if you know it will give you more of a clear conscience and unburdened heart, it's worth it. An intense first relationship can create a clear pathway in your mind that can shape the movement of other relationship experiences. You might end up comparing all of your other romantic relationships to that powerful first — for better or for worse. If only! Hormones play a major part in how we feel and act after a breakup. Romance literally hits us like a drug.
In this study conducted by biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, brain scans show us that losing love activates the same mechanism in the brain as withdrawal from hard drugs like cocaine or opiates.
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